Birds, Bees, and Babies

Yesterday, we had 'the talk'.  Well, sorta.  We had an age appropriate (for my kindergartener and first grader) study on babies and where they come from.  I know this subject can sometimes be a tough one for parents, so I wanted to share what we did.

First we talked about where most babies today are born (hospitals). Then, we talked about how 100 years ago, not many people had cars and may have lived far from their neighbors - where would their babies have been born?  What about thousands of years ago when people lived in caves?  Or baby Jesus?

Next, we started reading.  Our book list - along with notes is below:

• The Story of Me - this book is designed for ages three through five, but I thought it was perfect for my kids.  Some things I really liked about this book: God is the focus - it talks also about how God wants babies to be born to married people.  It is written in story format - it's basically parents answering questions to their four year old son.  I also liked that the story quickly mentioned inappropriate touching and that we don't have to share our love with people if we don't want to.  Something I also want to mention is that they use the actual names for genitalia - I know this will make some people uncomfortable.  I read the book as is, and the kids didn't really ask questions about the proper names. (phew!)
• The Birds, the Bees, and the Berenstain Bears - this is a pretty 'safe' book.  It uses terms like 'womb' and 'birth canal'.  It is pretty generic, definitely appropriate for a younger audience.  It's mostly a cute story.  A good follow up to this story is The Berenstain Bears and Baby Makes Five.
• Usborne Internet Linked Children's Encyclopedia - I love this encyclopedia.  So much content.  And, there's internet activities for each page (more info down in the internet links section).  We focused on pages 108-109.  It used the words 'sperm' and 'egg', but didn't describe how the sperm got to the egg (which, I think is totally fine as I'm not sure that my children would be ready for that conversation!).  

After doing some reading, we talked about babies and decided to do some searching online.  Here's some links that we enjoyed.

• Usborne Quicklinks - these are the links for pages 108-109 in the Children's Encyclopedia.  We especially liked the 'pictures' of the growing baby.
• Video of baby growing inside of mother - this is an animation beginning with conception until the baby is full grown.  It wasn't the clearest video - poor pixel quality (or something... I'm not really techy).  I really liked it though.  We watched it without sound - I don't really care for the soundtrack, but that's just me.
• Week by week ultrasound pics - this was great.  We enjoyed seeing the pictures of the developing baby.  There were some 4D pics, so it was neat to see the babies moving.  This is another one that I muted.  I just didn't care to listen to "We are the children."
• A home water birth - this starts with a family who is excitedly waiting for their newest addition to arrive.  They prepare for the baby's birth.  Then, the mother goes into labor.  You can tell she is uncomfortable, but I love the way her husband stays with her, supporting and comforting her the entire time.  Her other children peek in from time to time to see how the mother is doing.  Then, it happens!  You see her baby come out, but the mother's 'parts' aren't visible.  It is beautiful.  Totally made me cry (and it just may make you want another baby!).  Then, the whole family greets the baby by having a first birthday party for her.  Amazing, and beautiful.  

If you wanted to, you could incorporate some Bible verses as well.  Some of my favorites are:

• Psalm 139:13-16 - For you formed my inward parts;
      you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
  ¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
  Wonderful are your works;
      my soul knows it very well.
  ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
  when I was being made in secret,
      intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
  ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
  in your book were written, every one of them,
      the days that were formed for me,
      when as yet there was none of them.
• Psalm 127:3-5  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
      the fruit of the womb a reward.
  ⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
      are the children^[a] of one's youth.
  ⁵ Blessed is the man
      who fills his quiver with them!
  He shall not be put to shame
      when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. 

There are many, many resources out there.  What have you used to have 'the talk' with your young children? 

The Doormat, the Bulldozer, and the Wall

Today's post isn't going to be about homeschooling, or product reviews, or my favorite place on Earth (WDW!).  Today, I'm going to come out with a (semi) struggle I am dealing with.

Finding the balance. 

It isn't what it sounds like.  I feel that I'm doing pretty well with the important things - faith, family, friendships.  What I'm having a hard time balancing is boundaries.  Kindness versus honesty.  Patience versus being assertive.  Doormat versus bulldozer.

First, let me give you some background.  For as long as I can remember, I've been a doormat.  I've allowed others to walk on me.  I've allowed my perception to be changed by how others treated me.  I lost sleep, for years.  I argued with those that truly wanted the best for me (hubby, best friends), because I defended the people who treated me poorly.  I quickly dismissed the actions of the harsh people in my life to those who were trying to protect me.  I tried not to let the selfless people in my life see how the selfish people affected me. I was truly, my own worst advocate. And it all came crashing down.

I realized that when I was worried and preoccupied that I wasn't a very good wife, mom, or friend.  I was so wrapped up in my own suffering, that I wasn't honest or truly present with others.  I became incredibly anxious.  I woke up sobbing.  I was alone in my pain, (purposefully).

Then, God placed someone amazing in my life. 

Last July I went to summer camp with my family.  While there, I spent much of my time with a few ladies from my church.  I poured out my life to them, and they were incredibly gracious to me.  They were never harsh or judgmental, but they were honest.  And some of the things they said were incredibly difficult to hear.  But I needed to hear every word of it.

The woman that I talked to the most has grandchildren around my age.  She has been through so much in her life and has dealt with a lot of pain.  She's had people affect her in the way that I had been allowing others to affect me.  And she told me that our situations were very similar.  She pointed out that even though we love other people, they may not treat us with love.  Some people only want to be in our lives when they feel that they control us; they purposely say things to get a reaction out of us.  If they are miserable, they make sure everyone else in their life is miserable - they will manipulate anyone and everyone to get what they want, and it doesn't affect them that they hurt others.  They only invest in relationships when they are easy and beneficial to them.  They are the bulldozers.

I didn't want to believe that people that I loved so much could be manipulators.  It hurt to think that I could love someone who didn't really care how I felt.

It took me a few days of prayer, reflection, and Bible reading to realize that everything the kind woman said was true.  And I realized that I needed to change.

I needed to stop enabling it.  I wasn't voicing my opinions.  I didn't speak up when I felt hurt.  I bottled it up to keep the peace. 

Instead of peace, it created turmoil. 

I couldn't allow these people to walk all over me.  I would no longer allow the drama to cause problems in my household.  I recommitted myself to my husband and kids, and for the first time, I stood up to people.  If I couldn't/didn't want to do something, I told them.  When they tried to make me upset, I stood like a wall.  I may have quivered a bit, but they couldn't see it.  They tried to bulldoze me, but it was no longer effective.  I did not budge.  And, for the first time in my life, I felt free.  And I still feel free.

I no longer feel the need to keep the peace.  Instead, I've learned how to not let them control how I feel.  Sure, there have been a couple setbacks, but it's been far easier that I thought it would be. 

And sometimes I question myself.  I question if I am dealing with them in the way that God would want me to.  I wonder if I need to be kinder, or more patient.  I wonder if I should make myself more vulnerable so that I am more compassionate. I wonder if God would approve of me standing up for myself; if he would want for me to be emotionless when people are purposefully trying to create drama.  I know if my children were in my position, without question I would want them to stand up for themselves. 

One thing that I've noticed since I became an advocate for myself, is that my life has become more peaceful.  I am really proud of who I am, and how far I've come.  I just need to find the balance.  I need to be kind, compassionate, and gracious, but protected.  I want to be a representative of Christ in all that I do, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that means.  I'm a work in progress, but for now, I think I'll enjoy some uninterrupted sleep.

January Recap

January was a great month.  My little guy turned seven (how is that possible?!), we made some much-needed changes in our home and homeschool, and we had lots of quality time with family and friends.

The first week of January was good.  Every year we have a New Year's party, so this year was no different.  As we get older, the party ends a little earlier, but we still had a wonderful time with our friends!  I also began my fast from Facebook.  I mentioned in this post that part of the reason that I quit was so that I could devote more time to focusing on family.  To be honest with you, Facebook was becoming an idol to me.  I was spending so much time on it and it was constantly in my thought process - for example, whenever someone took a picture of me, I would make sure the photo was Facebook-worthy.  I spent time on it when I should have been doing other things.

We also started making some changes around the house.  I've started washing one load of laundry every day, which has been helped me to be more productive.  I'll put away one load at a time.  If I try to do more, the clean clothes will sit in a hamper for a week before I put them away.  I try to get the kitchen cleaned each night before bed so that I don't have a mess to wake up to.  I do dishes throughout the day, and clean/pick up things throughout the day.  Otherwise, I won't have energy to do it all at the end of the day.  And, I take Sundays off.  Sunday is family and church time.  Not cleaning, running around time.

Our children went to a fun kids event without us (they were with an adult family member).  It was really scary for me because I am always concerned that something will happen to them when I'm not there.  But, it ended up being great.  Ben and I got to go out to breakfast together and then go to the mall for the afternoon.  I can't remember the last time we (just the two of us) went out for breakfast, it was definitely needed.

X-Man had a family birthday party which was very nice.  He also had a friend (as in, HIS (under 18) friends) party. We had it at our community center, and the kids got to run around, play games, and burn energy! It was on a super-snowy day - church was actually cancelled that day, so we didn't get everyone we had expected, but it was still a lot of fun. 

We've started reading a chapter (or two) of a novel to each child every night.  I was rushing their bedtime routine, then Little Lou would come out of her room every night asking to be snuggled.  Then, as soon as she asked for snuggles, X-Man came out for snuggles.  It ended up being stressful and taking way longer that it should have - so Ben and I weren't able to spend much uninterrupted time together.  So, we each take a child to bed.  Then, Ben or I read one or two chapter of their book to each child in their bed.  It gives us snuggle time, and gets them sleepy so they fall asleep quicker.  X-Man and I just finished a Magic Treehouse book, and Little Lou is working on Charlotte's Web.  X-Man is into History, so the Magic Treehouse books are perfect for him (Little Lou probably wouldn't pay attention to these books at this time), and Little Lou loves animals, so Charlotte's Web has been great for her - X-Man doesn't seem to like books that are obviously fictional (talking animals and whatnot, whereas Little Lou does).

For school, we changed our planning as well.  As I mentioned in this post, I was spending each night prepping for the following days lessons.  We changed that too.  Now, on Saturday, I write our entire weekly schedule on a white board.  We erase each thing as they are completed.  This past week it worked really well for us.  We began reading A Grain of Rice, and on Tuesday (the second day), the kids were HOOKED.  They wanted for us to keep reading, we read the entire book in two days instead of four.  I just erased the assignment from Wednesday and Thursday and added new books.  Also, if we fall behind, we can leave uncompleted assignments on the board for us to finish later in the week.  For example, for the first time ever, X-Man is struggling with his math work.  He wants to rush so he forgets to regroup.  He already completed his lessons in the Math-U-See book, so I've been creating new worksheets for him.  One thing that has helped is making his math problems multiple choice answers.  That way, if he doesn't get one of the answers I have listed, he HAS to go back and figure out where he went wrong.

I also made my first sensory bin for the kids.  It's Valentine's themed and Little Lou is LOVING it.  She's been playing with it all morning. There's shreds of paper; foil; felt hearts; red, pink, and white pom-poms; cups; spoons; tongs; heart cookie cutters; small red and silver presents; and pink, white, and red foam squares, beads, and gems.  It's messy and fun, and since everything goes right back into the box, it's easy to clean up.

 We attended two Classical Conversations open houses and have decided to join.  We are attending one more next week, so at that point we'll make a decision on which campus to attend, but we're pretty excited about it.  In fact, registration begins today for next school year, so I'll be doing that soon. 

All in all, it was a great month.  The weather wasn't always cooperative, we had gym class cancelled because of snow, and have had a few days with sub-zero highs.  But at least the snow is pretty, and we can stay inside if we want.

Now, onto February and the countdown to Valentine's Day.