So, I guess we're moving?!

If you're reading this, you're probably a close personal friend, so you've probably already heard (or read on facebook) that we're moving back near my childhood hometown.  But, you may not have heard our story.

At the end of last year (2014), Ben had some vacation time left over, so we decided to spend a week with my family in my hometown.  It was a really nice week.  We all got along really well, and just enjoyed our time together.

Well, the next week, (December 30 to be exact), Ben and I were talking about our future, when he mentioned that he thought we should move to my hometown.  To be honest, I was in shock.  For many years I had wanted to move back, and the timing wasn't right.  But now, moving wasn't even a thought of mine.  I had assumed that we'd remain here forever. We have great friends, a wonderful church family, great neighborhood, Ben loves his job and the company that he works for, we found a great homeschooling community, etc.  So we prayed about it, asked a couple of others to pray for us as well.  And, we started applying for jobs.

Everyday I would spend 30 minutes or so looking for a new job for Ben.  He'd apply to any of them that he thought he'd enjoy.  He heard back from someone, but the pay wasn't right.  So we continued searching.  Two weeks ago, I did a google search on the best companies to work for in my hometown, and found a company in his current industry.  So, on January 26 (we think, the date is a blur), he applied for a position that was very similar to his current position.

Within two days, they called him and screened him as a potential candidate.  They wanted him to come in for an interview the next day.  So, he did.  The interview went well.  They informed him that the reason the position had opened was because the previous employee unexpectedly retired earlier that month.

Well, three business days later, they offered Ben the job.  They LOVED him and made sure he knew that THEY wanted him to work with them.  They negotiated salary (they raised the offer to get him on board).  And we talked it over and prayed about it.  The next day, he accepted his new position and resigned from his current position.

He begins his new job on March 2.

Let me backtrack for a moment.  When we first talked about moving, we thought it would be a very lengthy process.  Months.  And instead, the biggest part, getting a job, took only a few weeks.  Really, just a blink.  And through it all, we truly felt that God led us here.

• Many years ago, when I craved my hometown, we couldn't move back.  Our very best friend was here, and we would never leave him.  Well, in recent years, he's gotten married (to a WONDERFUL woman) and gained a new family, and he's going to be a dad next month!
• I had a very strong relationship with one of my friends here.  Our relationship is still strong, but in the past year, she's really bonded with another friend, and I'm so happy she has her now.
• Ben's mom was single, but in December, she got married.  She's very happy, so we know she's taken care of.
• We've become involved in Classical Conversations, and because of that, I've seen how easy it was for my children to make friends, so that part isn't scary.
• The job that Ben applied for wouldn't have been open until this very month.
• We were planning on taking a pay cut to be closer to family, but that all worked out better than we thought. 
• When he accepted his new position, he also asked for a couple of weeks off for a vacation and camp week we have scheduled, and they granted that too.

I feel like the timing is perfect.  And I can't believe how it's worked out.  It's been fairly simple (only because of God), and VERY quick.  But now, we have a house that I don't consider to be market-ready, and it needs to be sold.  FAST.  And, we need to find a new house.  It's going to be so much work, but I feel so much peace.  If God has provided everything else, I know He's got the house thing figured out too.

The Doormat, the Bulldozer, and the Wall

Today's post isn't going to be about homeschooling, or product reviews, or my favorite place on Earth (WDW!).  Today, I'm going to come out with a (semi) struggle I am dealing with.

Finding the balance. 

It isn't what it sounds like.  I feel that I'm doing pretty well with the important things - faith, family, friendships.  What I'm having a hard time balancing is boundaries.  Kindness versus honesty.  Patience versus being assertive.  Doormat versus bulldozer.

First, let me give you some background.  For as long as I can remember, I've been a doormat.  I've allowed others to walk on me.  I've allowed my perception to be changed by how others treated me.  I lost sleep, for years.  I argued with those that truly wanted the best for me (hubby, best friends), because I defended the people who treated me poorly.  I quickly dismissed the actions of the harsh people in my life to those who were trying to protect me.  I tried not to let the selfless people in my life see how the selfish people affected me. I was truly, my own worst advocate. And it all came crashing down.

I realized that when I was worried and preoccupied that I wasn't a very good wife, mom, or friend.  I was so wrapped up in my own suffering, that I wasn't honest or truly present with others.  I became incredibly anxious.  I woke up sobbing.  I was alone in my pain, (purposefully).

Then, God placed someone amazing in my life. 

Last July I went to summer camp with my family.  While there, I spent much of my time with a few ladies from my church.  I poured out my life to them, and they were incredibly gracious to me.  They were never harsh or judgmental, but they were honest.  And some of the things they said were incredibly difficult to hear.  But I needed to hear every word of it.

The woman that I talked to the most has grandchildren around my age.  She has been through so much in her life and has dealt with a lot of pain.  She's had people affect her in the way that I had been allowing others to affect me.  And she told me that our situations were very similar.  She pointed out that even though we love other people, they may not treat us with love.  Some people only want to be in our lives when they feel that they control us; they purposely say things to get a reaction out of us.  If they are miserable, they make sure everyone else in their life is miserable - they will manipulate anyone and everyone to get what they want, and it doesn't affect them that they hurt others.  They only invest in relationships when they are easy and beneficial to them.  They are the bulldozers.

I didn't want to believe that people that I loved so much could be manipulators.  It hurt to think that I could love someone who didn't really care how I felt.

It took me a few days of prayer, reflection, and Bible reading to realize that everything the kind woman said was true.  And I realized that I needed to change.

I needed to stop enabling it.  I wasn't voicing my opinions.  I didn't speak up when I felt hurt.  I bottled it up to keep the peace. 

Instead of peace, it created turmoil. 

I couldn't allow these people to walk all over me.  I would no longer allow the drama to cause problems in my household.  I recommitted myself to my husband and kids, and for the first time, I stood up to people.  If I couldn't/didn't want to do something, I told them.  When they tried to make me upset, I stood like a wall.  I may have quivered a bit, but they couldn't see it.  They tried to bulldoze me, but it was no longer effective.  I did not budge.  And, for the first time in my life, I felt free.  And I still feel free.

I no longer feel the need to keep the peace.  Instead, I've learned how to not let them control how I feel.  Sure, there have been a couple setbacks, but it's been far easier that I thought it would be. 

And sometimes I question myself.  I question if I am dealing with them in the way that God would want me to.  I wonder if I need to be kinder, or more patient.  I wonder if I should make myself more vulnerable so that I am more compassionate. I wonder if God would approve of me standing up for myself; if he would want for me to be emotionless when people are purposefully trying to create drama.  I know if my children were in my position, without question I would want them to stand up for themselves. 

One thing that I've noticed since I became an advocate for myself, is that my life has become more peaceful.  I am really proud of who I am, and how far I've come.  I just need to find the balance.  I need to be kind, compassionate, and gracious, but protected.  I want to be a representative of Christ in all that I do, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that means.  I'm a work in progress, but for now, I think I'll enjoy some uninterrupted sleep.

Back to School

Almost all of my state's schools were closed at least two days this week to cold weather (highs just barely broke zero degrees Fahrenheit).  But, in our homeschool, it was our first full week back from Christmas break.  And, it went REALLY well!

Last year (beginning of 2013) I made some changes in the new year which helped things to go more smoothly during class time.  I think Christmas break is a really good time to evaluate how things are progressing, get organized, and reevaluate curriculum/schedule/priorities.  I knew we needed to make some changes, and (one whole week into it!) so far, things are going well.

Nightly Prep
I had gotten into the habit of waiting until each morning to go over plans for class time.  Now, each night, I spend some time diving into the next day's work.  I skim everything we are going over the next day, and make an easy-to-follow schedule on the whiteboard.  On the whiteboard, I also include any discussion questions I want to go over, which really helps things to go smoothly.  When I wake up the next morning, I have additional  ideas that I wouldn't have had if I would have waited until the morning to go over the curriculum.

I also make sure all the resources and materials I need are in the classroom and are easy-to-find.

Hot Breakfast
Often, as I'm going over the days plans, I get the kids a quick bowl of cereal.  Since I've been getting everything ready the night before, I can spend time making them a nice, hot breakfast.  And, I can sit with them and eat with them - it is wonderful!  We talk about our day, and spend time getting into the right mindset for school.  As they get dressed, I can get the dishes done from breakfast.

Expanded Quiet Time
This was an issue I tried to resolve last year as well.  We were only spending a little bit of time in the Bible each day - just the daily amount recommended our curriculum.  Now we've been adding to that.  Each morning, X-Man spends some time reading a Bible or devotional book to himself.  Little Lou isn't quite reading, so I'll either read to her (whatever Bible story or devotional book she wants) or put in one of our Bibles on CD for her to listen to.  I also try to spend some time in the Word when she's listening to her CD. 

Then, we read a devotion together from a book that contains 365 devotions - they're geared toward small children, so they're short and perfect for my little people.

Clean as we go
By the end of the day, our homeschool room is a mess.  Papers, pencils, toys, craft supplies, everything.  Well, not now.  As we go, they must pick up everything they had out for the previous subject.  This also gives them some time to get up and move around.

Two Language Arts Sessions
This has been one of the biggest helps and positive changes in our day.  Before, I would have both kids work on their Language Arts work, and ask me for help as they went along.  Well, Little Lou still needs help with almost everything, and X-Man gets very frustrated with handwriting.  So, as a solution, for our last subject of the day, we do Language Arts in two sessions.  During the first session, I work directly with one child.  This means sitting there and kindly reminding them how to properly write their letters as they go.  If they start getting frustrated, I can spot it right away; instead of frustration ending in screaming or crying, I spot it, we take a deep breath or take a break and play with floam/playdoh/snuggle a stuffed animal.  During this time, the other child has options on what they can do.  They can write, color, read/look at books, do fine motor work, puzzles, Boggle, or even an educational app on my phone.  Once the first child has completed their language arts work, they switch.

Since it's our last subject of the day, they can continue working on whatever they would like as soon as both are done with their work.  I then have them stay in the classroom with me (contained mess) while I get everything ready, for the next day.

The Two Minute Rule
I get very overwhelmed when I see a sink full of dishes, or stacks of laundry in the hampers, or clutter.  Before, I would wait until the end of school to get any house work done.  This often meant that I rushed through the day so that I could do a quick clean-up before the hubby got home. Sometimes that quick clean up turned into a half hour or more of clean up. Now, I use the two minute rule.  If something will take me less than two minutes to do, I do it right away.  It could be wiping the kitchen counters, washing the dishes from breakfast, sharpening pencils as they break, filing school work in their portfolios, throwing a load of laundry in the washer, wiping the toothpaste off the sink, etc.  As long as it takes less than two minutes, if it will bother me to leave it, I just do it right away.  Then, when we're done, I don't have more work to do.  I can get right into dinner preparations.

It's amazing to me how a few easy modifications can make a world of difference.  Due to a few, minor changes, school is much easier, and it was pretty painless.  What changes have you made in the new year?

Day 3 - Facebook Fast - Why I Need a Change in Priorities... Or do I?

When the hubby came home last night, I informed him: "Yesterday, I was certain we were going to do private school next year.  But, today, I decided that I think I want to homeschool."

His reply: "How much of this decision has to do with going to Disney World?"

"Um... Not, er... Not muuuch..."

And his response: "Well, none of this decision should be about Disney."

GUILTY. 

Now, to be honest, part, as in, like, 5% of my decision is based on travel.  I love that the last two years we were able to go to Disney World during the slow season.  We had low prices, low crowds, and got 'free' dining.  Had we traveled when most do (summer, holiday breaks), we would not have been able to get as much as we did for as little as we did.  It would have been miserable - long lines, big crowds, hot weather...  No thanks!  Sure, some places are best seasonally, (beach, seasonally opened resorts); but, some are best when no one else is there...  And, it just so happens that WDW is one of those places. Also, if we were to send them to private school, unless the hubby got a giant promotion, regular travel would fall out of reach for us.

So, yes, it (travel, WDW) did have a place in my current decision (which, again, will likely change several times).  Flexibility is one of the biggest pros for homeschooling.  When the other kids are in school, we get our zoos, museums, parks, to ourselves.   We can take vacations whenever we want.  We can take advantage of huge discounts at touristy places during the week while school is in session (we recently went to the biggest waterpark in the US and stayed in a suite with our friends for a total of $80 for our family's two day admission tickets and hotel).  I plan their doctor appointments for when other children are in school.  I do my grocery shopping when others are at work or school.  I love that part. 

After talking to the hubby, I felt a little guilty about travel being such a priority.  Then I thought about it some more.  Some of my favorite childhood memories are when we traveled.  It was time as a family with minimal outside distractions.  I always learned something without realizing that I was learning. 

These kids won't be little for long.  I want them to have cherished memories of us as a family. I want them to remember the times they spent having wonderful experiences, not the hours they spent sitting in a classroom.  I want them to see their learning come to life before their eyes.  Bottom line: I won't feel guilty about allowing travel/flexibility to be a part of our decision process.  It is a huge pro, and should we decide to homeschool next year, we'll take full advantage of this awesome benefit.

Day 1 and 2 - Facebook Fast

Today is the second day of my Facebook fast.  So far I've only typed facebook.com in the URL maybe five times.  Which raises a red flag - I wasn't thinking of going on facebook, but apparently that was the main site I was visiting since this was an automatic thing...

Anyways, a long time ago, yesterday, when I started this non-facebook journey, I was 95% sure that I wanted to send the kids to private school.  I've been spending time doing some research and am now about 75% sure that I want to homeschool next year.  I'm sure that I'll be waffling quite a few times in the upcoming month, so I'm excited to see what our decision is going to be - are you on the edge of your seat too?!

Come back soon - I'll be posting often :)

Why I'm Giving Up Facebook... For Now.

Most of my readers are people that I know in real life; and, most of these people are connected to me on Facebook.  I have a feeling this post won't get many views until February since my main 'marketing' technique is posting on Facebook that I've added a new blog post.  Also, there's something to be said about consistency - of which I have none. 

Anyways, earlier this week I announced that I would be off of Facebook for the entire month of January - that announcement was mostly for accountability.  If I publicly profess that I'll be abstaining from Facebook, then it's more likely that I will actually stay off.

I also want to be more transparent, so, I thought I'd let my few faithful readers know why I have decided to (at least for this month) give up Facebook.

Facebook is a major time-suck for me.  If I'm bored, I get on Facebook.  If I don't want to clean/wash dishes/do laundry/do homeschool, I get on Facebook.  Basically, it is an escape and an enabler to my procrastination.  And, I need to face a big decision without distraction.  I need to spend more time in prayer and research and less time in distractions.

So, here goes. 

Homeschool is not easy.  Even with only two kids, it's not easy.  And, in some ways, I just want to give up.  I don't want them to fight constantly and I don't want to argue with them everyday about handwriting.  But I also (to be fair), haven't been giving it my all.  I've been lazy and I've been selfish, and it needs to stop. 

This month we're going to attend some open houses for Christian schools in our area to see what they have to offer.  I'm going to be spending the time that I normally would have spent distracting myself (on Facebook), in prayer and spending time with my children putting their education as a MUCH higher priority in my life.  I'll also be making pro and con lists and asking for advice from probably everyone I know...  So, if you are a praying person, won't you pray for discernment for us? 

I truly have no idea what our decision will be, but we want it to be the best decision for them.  I don't want it to be a fear-based decision nor a pride-based decision.  I want it to be a faith-based decision that puts their needs first.  I want to be open to what God wants for them and I want for us to find peace in this decision.  I'm sure I'll be posting much more on this in the upcoming days/weeks/months, so stay tuned.

For now, Happy New Year!  Come back soon!

Random Ramblings: Giving Thanks

I LOVE Christmas.  The whole Christmas season.  But, as my children are getting bigger, I'm realizing how commercial it has become, and how commercial I have let it become.  So, while I still love Christmas, Thanksgiving is quickly becoming my favorite of all the holidays.  Don't get me wrong, I'll probably look at the advertisements on Thanksgiving, and I'll probably do some Black Friday shopping, but I love that Thanksgiving about giving, not getting.

First, lets break it down.  Thanks giving.  Giving thanks.  For the past few years, I've tried to focus on thing to give thanks for on each day in November.  It amazes me, that by the end of the month, I still have so many things for which to be thankful.  I've also noticed, that over time, it gets easier to be thankful. Of course, there are the obvious things, God, family, friends, home, food, etc., but what about the tough things?  Should we be thankful for stressful things?  

I say yes.  And the Bible says yes.  Romans 5:3-5 says that we should "glory" in our sufferings because of the results.  Perseverance, character, and hope.  Things that we wouldn't gain without suffering.  It's not easy, I'm the first to admit.  And there are some things that we simply won't take glory in (abuse, etc)  There's some deep, tough, things that I pray none of us will ever have to go through.  But our everyday stress isn't life ending.  It's molding us.  It gives us character to know how to deal with future stress, and to help others as they go through difficult times.

But why?  Why should we be thankful?

As many of you know, I have at times had issues with anxiety.  I've let other people and situations control my feelings.  I'm also very fortunate that God has placed people in my life that have helped me to overcome much of this.  A scripture I hadn't really taken to heart until recently is Philippians 4:6-7.  This scripture tells us that we shouldn't be anxious (easier said than done, right?!).  Rather, we should pray about our situation, with thanksgiving.  Once we do this, we are promised that the peace of Jesus will protect us.

For me, this has been so true.  For so many years, I've dealt with difficulty by either stuffing it inside, or praying for God to take it away.  I've never considered that while waiting for a situation to change, that I should consider all I already have.  All that I've been given.  When we focus on being thankful, our entire thought process changes.  We no longer find discontentment in what we don't have, we find joy in what we do have. 

 Today, I challenge you to look at your day through different eyes.  Try to see the blessing in each situation.  Too many dishes to do?  Thank God that He has provided you with food.  Stressful work day?  Thank God that you have a job.  Kids not listening?  Thank God for your children - there's plenty of people that would kill to have a child.  You see, when we see all that we've been blessed with, the temporary stress doesn't seem as big.  Take joy in your day.  Soak in every moment and enjoy every good thing. 

Blessings to you and yours.

Ten Years Ago I Was So Wrong...

This year (in November) marks ten years since Ben and I got married.  There's certain moments in your life, that seem as though they just happened yesterday; and for me, walking down the aisle is definitely one of them.

For some background, Ben and I had known each other for three months before we were engaged, and only eleven months before we were married.  I was nineteen and I thought I knew everything.

Walking down the aisle, I remember being so happy, excited, and hopeful.  I thought at that moment (as several of our cheesy centerpieces stated) that love was all we would ever need.  I thought life would be easy, that we wouldn't ever argue, we'd spend every moment together, and that each day would be better than the last.  I thought I loved him more than I could ever love anyone.

And, I was mostly wrong.

We had a wonderful honeymoon.  After having a long distance relationship, every moment we were together was cherished.  While out one evening, a staff member at an attraction asked us if we were on our honeymoon - she said it was obvious that we were newlyweds.  I giggled, smiled, and blushed constantly.   Every second we were together, every time he touched me, I had butterflies.

After our honeymoon, life wasn't all butterflies.
 
Within seven months, my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer.  Within a month of her diagnosis, we said goodbye to her.  It was the most difficult thing I had ever been through.  I cried constantly.  Life wasn't easy.

Within our first two years of marriage, there were three deaths in our family.  It still wasn't easy.

We fought about everything.  From religion, to politics, to household chores, to where we wanted to go out to eat, it was a constant battle.  It wasn't easy.  We argued.

We didn't want to spend every second together.   

We had a very sweet baby boy.  It was the greatest moment we had experienced (and he still is such a huge blessing to us).  We were shocked to find out about his clubfeet.  I entered one of the darkest times of my life.  We went to weekly castings, and sat together while he had surgeries.  It wasn't easy.

We were blessed with a precious little girl.  She was (and still is) lovely and wonderful; but I was terrified that I would go back to the dark place.  I felt overwhelmed - It wasn't easy.

It wasn't what I expected.  I thought we'd always be in the honeymoon phase. I thought we'd never argue.  I thought we'd only experience good news.  I was so wrong.  But I am so glad that I was.

Once the butterfly feeling wasn't constant, we worked harder on our marriage.  We prayed together.  We prayed for each other.  We got involved in ministry together.  We started cultivating a much deeper love.  I liken it to a tree, over years the roots grow deeper and deeper.  The roots become entangled, inseparable.  One. 

We constantly communicate.  We don't agree about everything, but we know where the other one stands on nearly everything.  We've both changed and have become more compassionate.  And I love that when my heart isn't where it should be, that he lovingly tells me.  He holds me accountable and helps me be a better person. 

When life was hard, he was so supportive.  He never once made me feel guilty about spending every weekend in my hometown to be with my Grandma.  He drove me back and forth every weekend.  He never whined about getting home late on Sundays (I cried half the way home every week) and waking early for work on Mondays.  He didn't complain that he didn't get to hang out with his friends on the weekends.  He stayed by my side. 

When I was in my dark place, he never let me know that he was struggling too.  He was what kept us going.  He was our strength, our backbone.  When I was at my weakest, he picked me up and held me up.  Years later, when I suggested driving back and forth to Iowa for our son's clubfoot treatment, (ten hours each way), he never looked at me like I was crazy.  He helped me pack, took off work, and we went together.  It ended up being some of the richest, most memorable times in our lives.  

When I was afraid of being a mother of two children under the age of two (and returning to my dark place), he reassured me that it would be okay. Having our sweet daughter ended up being anything but dark.  It was beautiful and wonderful.  He took off work for half the month to help me.   He spent so much time taking care of me, our son, and our home so that I could focus on caring for our newborn.

When I told him that I wanted to homeschool our children, he helped me gain enough faith to try it.  He has fully supported me in our curriculum choices (regardless of cost).  He is confident in me even when I'm not. He constantly reassures me that I am enough.

He encourages me to have girls nights.  He encourages me to take breaks and get out of the house.  And I need that.

When I walked down the aisle, I thought I would never be able to love anyone more than I did in that moment.  And I was wrong.  I love him so much more than I did then.  And I know that I'll love him more in ten years still. 

He has supported me, forgiven me, encouraged me, lifted me, led me, and loved me.  Deeper than the ocean, unconditional, indestructible loved me.  I was right about one thing on my wedding day - with that kinda love, love is all we need.

Small Reminders of a Big Love

Earlier this year, I mentioned that we started a budget.  Basically, we want to be better stewards of the money we are blessed with, and a budget has done that for us.  It has also helped make expenses more predictable and has actually given me a freedom that I didn't have.  I know it sounds backwards to say that establishing a budget would actually give us more options, but it has. We have a set amount that we spend each week on 'other' expenses, such as clothing, entertainment, dinner out, and other non-grocery items.  Before, we didn't have this budgeted, so anytime I spent any money on non-grocery items, I felt a little guilty.

Another way that it has given me freedom, is that now I don't feel bad about saying "no" to things.  Since we do have a budget, sometimes things come up that we just don't do.  We pick what our priorities are, and we stick with them.  I know that if an expense comes up that is beyond our 'other' budget, that we are taking away from our food budget, and it's really easy to say no to something when it would involve taking food away from your children.  I've had to become more assertive, which has been difficult, but also liberating.

Unfortunately, I'm not perfect.  I've miscalculated our amount spent, which has (more than once or twice) resulted in needing to take away from what we normally put into savings.  Also, more than once, it's allowed us the opportunity to see how God constantly provides.  I'm going to list a few things that have happened just since April.

• When X went gluten-free, we had to buy some new baking flours.  They flours and rising agents were quite a bit more than I had anticipated ($20 for xanthan gum and gf flour).  It just so happened that X-Man (for the first time in months) needed a prescription filled for his eczema.  It also just so happened that I had a $20 cash-back coupon for the pharmacy, so the unanticipated charges were covered - we met our budget within a dollar that week.
• A few weeks ago, I went over budget by two dollars.  When we got home, Ben received a survey in the mail with two dollars in it. Goosebumps.
• Earlier this week, we had some extra expenses.  We had only $25 dollars left in our budget (food plus other) by Tuesday.  I wanted to go to the fair with my sister, and out to a fancy restaurant with one of my very good friends for her 30th birthday, but we knew we wouldn't be able to do both.  Well, Tuesday evening, I had paypal funds of $90 become available for an ebay sale I had made.  Entrees at the restaurant are around $20, so this was the perfect amount for all four of us to go to dinner (we ended up making it a date night, but still - awesome!).  Then, on Wednesday, a day before we would go to the fair, I received a check in the mail for $44 from our bank.  This was plenty for the fair! 

I know some people will say these are coincidences, but I don't buy that.  I believe that God takes care of His children by giving them small reminders of His big love.

Praying for a legacy

Recently God has really put it on my heart to pray (incessantly) for my children.  For as long as I can remember, before I go to bed, I check on each child, give them a kiss, and say a quick prayer over them.  I've always prayed that they would love Jesus and that they would lead lives that are pleasing to Him, but as time has gone on, I've added quite a bit to my prayer list.  I'm no expert parent, but I wanted to share what I pray in case any of my (three) readers needed some ideas for their children.

• As I stated before, I pray that they love Jesus.  I pray that they feel His presence in their lives, and that they see Him in every facet of life.
• Purity.  I pray that they lead God-honoring lives.  I pray that they are not corrupted by this world, and that they choose to wait.   I pray that they learn things 'the easy way' and not feel the need to try things that aren't beneficial to their future.
• Compassion.  I pray that they want to help others.  I pray that they put others needs before their own wants.  I pray that they don't ask for things in return.  I pray that they see the good in people.
• Thankfulness. I pray that they see the blessings they have, and that they are grateful for them.  I pray that they never be selfish. 
• Joy.  I pray that they find beauty in everyday.  I pray that they have wonderful memories and that they chose to live each day to the fullest.
• Love.  I pray that they feel truly loved, and that they love with their whole-hearts.  I pray that they speak the truth in love, never in judgement.
• Purposeful.  I pray that they feel needed and wanted.  I pray that they see that they are important and that they matter.  I pray that even if they mess up (which, everyone does), that they still feel valued.  I pray that they feel freedom from perfection.
• Needs.  I pray that their needs are always met.  I pray that God will protect them.
• Their future spouses.  I pray that their future spouses love God.  I pray that they are compassionate, kind, and that they respect and love my children.  I pray that as they grow, they make God-honoring decisions, and that they choose to wait for my children. I pray that they feel loved and welcomed into our family.
• I pray that Little Lou finds a husband that is a hard-worker, a Christian man, someone who treats her like a queen, and will be a gentle leader of their future family. I pray she respects and loves him with all her heart.  I pray that she become a mother (if that's what she chooses) that is representative of God's love.  I pray that they honor their commitment to each other. 
• I pray that X-Man finds a wife that is a Christian woman who supports him, is respectful and loving, and becomes a mother (if they choose to have children) representative of God's love.  I pray that he treats her like a queen with constant love and respect.  I pray that he works hard to provide for his future family and that he be a wonderful, gentle, leader of his family.  I pray that they honor their commitment with each other.
• Their relationship with each other.  I pray that as they grow older, that X-Man and Little Lou remain friends.  I pray that they stay close and that their spouses be supportive of that relationship. 
• Our family unit.  I pray that we always keep our focus on Christ.  I pray that we are always loving toward each other.  I pray that we can always communicate in love and honesty; and, when needed, that we choose mercy and forgiveness over grudges. I pray that we are always close and that we never feel as if we are a burden to one another.  I pray that they know that they can come to us about ANYTHING and that we will always have unconditional love for them.
• I pray for my future grandchildren.  That they have the wonderful qualities of their parents, and that they also choose Christ.

As time goes on, as life happens, as we see sad and traumatic situations, I feel that it is imperative that we constantly pray for our children.  I'm reminded of some song lyrics "I want to leave a legacy, how will they remember me?  Did I choose to love?", and I pray that the legacy we leave behind, is one that God would be proud of, one that positively impacts the legacy of our future generations.  One that changes our future generations for the better.

Today's Creed

I've been struggling.  A lot.  I've been seeing evil (in the world), I've felt abandoned, I've felt not good enough.  I've lost sleep, made mountains out of mole hills, and have either not cared for myself, or have been so focused on myself that I've neglected others.   I've been worried about things that may not happen, I've been worried about things that may happen.  I've cried, I've lost joy, and I've found myself in a dark rut.  And I'm done.  I'm over the worry, I'm over the anxiety, I'm over the bad. 

I am blessed.
I am saved.
I am kind.
I care and I love deeply.
I am favored.
I am gracious.

I will not allow anxiety to rob me of joy, confidence, sleep, sanity, relationships, honesty, or life.

Life is bigger than this.

God cares. My anxiety is His, for I am His.

I will find joy in EVERY day.  For my children, for myself, and for the one who gives me each morning.

I refuse to focus on evil.

I will delight in truth.

Truth is love.
Truth is good.
Truth is real.
Truth is Godly.

I choose joy.
I choose love.
I choose truth.
I choose to live.

Yesterday was worry.
Today is a new day.
Today is truth.
Today is peace.
Today is hope.
Today is the only day.
Today is new.
Today starts now.

I am ready.

June Blessings

I can't believe it's almost July.  June has been a whirlwind.  We spent 10 days on vacation in North Carolina - I'm very blessed to have a very generous family that finances the entire trip, every year.  As some of you know, I am two hours away from my family (excluding the ones that live with me of course!).  It is so wonderful that once a year, I get to spend an entire week with my parents, siblings, cousins, aunt, uncle, grandpa, and grandma.  We make so many memories, and the kids get to enjoy their family and get lots of love, and sun, and sand, and ice cream. 

As you may remember, June is also my last month of week of work.  Today I sent emails to all of my clients letting them know that I am leaving.  My clients sent really nice, encouraging notes - and I'm so thankful for that!  I can't believe that I have less than a week until I am a full-time stay-at-home mom!  I know this week I'm going to have to spend a lot of time on follow-up work and trying to resolve some issues, but the end result will be so worth it (and, I really like my co-workers, so I want the transition to be as easy as possible).

On my first weekday unemployed, I have to get a root canal. Unfortunately, the nerve structure in my tooth is complex (I'm sure that's not the correct terminology), so I have to go to a specialist.  I was told by our new dentist that insurance will cover 80%; we researched the average price and determined that I'd have to pay several hundred dollars (in addition to the $300-$500 that we will have to pay for the crown that goes on the tooth).  Today I got a call that we will have to pay $0 for the root canal - thank you Lord!

It's amazing that even after we made the decision to quit my job, I was still doubting that we made the right decision.  However, God has taken care of us so much that it is evident to us that this is what our family needs to do at this time.  I really am so blessed and I am so thankful for all that God has done for us.  I look forward to seeing what else he has in store for us.

New chapter and big changes

This week has been pretty emotional for me.  Those of you that know me personally know that the hubby and I have been married for over eight years; it will be nine years in November (married in 2003).  Once we got married, I relocated from my hometown to a city two hours away.  Within a month, I had interviewed, accepted, and began working for a consulting firm.  The thing I really loved about the company is that the owner was a Christian with views similar to mine.  That felt safe to me.  And, I knew that business would be conducted with integrity.

Fast forward to 2006.  I was finishing my clinical hours to become a surgical technologist - I was so excited to be in the operating room.  I absolutely LOVED school - everything about the OR was exciting to me.  During this time, I also became pregnant with my sweet little boy, and continued to work for the same company (they were great about working around my school hours).  When I became pregnant, I couldn't imagine leaving my son every day to work outside of the home.  I knew that although I loved surgical technology, it wasn't part of the plan for my life at that moment. So, my boss developed a plan to allow me to work from home once my son was born.  How amazing is that?!

For the past five years, I've been working from home while caring for my children.  It hasn't always been easy, but it's been wonderful to be with my children every day.  It's been wonderful to be there for each and every milestone.  I've loved the opportunities that this position provided for my family.  Now, my sweet boy is five and will begin elementary school this fall.  As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, we've decided that homeschooling will be the best way to educate him.  I'm very excited for this fall, however, it has become increasingly apparent that I won't be able to work (even from home) and homeschool.  I feel like both my son and my work would suffer from less than adequate attention. 

So, I talked to my boss and decided that it was best for me to quit.  It has been one of the most difficult decisions.  I cried while talking to him (and talking to my coworkers) since this isn't something that I'm particularly excited about.  Don't get me wrong, I'm ECSTATIC that I get to homeschool my child, I'm just not thrilled that I'm leaving a great company and wonderful coworkers.  And my boss was great.  He totally understands why I'm leaving and was so kind to me, which made it even harder.  I've been working there for over eight years, so in a way, it feels like a break up.  On good terms, but still, it's a huge change.  He even asked how he could help me with this transition and offered to get in touch with one of his old neighbors who homeschools so that I can learn more about their co-op group!   

I know what an amazing opportunity it has been for me to work from home, and I am forever grateful for the opportunity.  My last day of work will be June 30; this will give me some time to enjoy summer with the little ones, volunteer at summer camp, spend some time with the youth at church, and just relax.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm looking forward to having time that's 100% devoted to my hubby and children.  We'll be (obviously) bringing in less money after June, but I know God will provide for us regardless.  I'm excited to see what God has in store for us.